


how to lose

by corneliastreet



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, No Plot, Reader-Insert, here have some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29336442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corneliastreet/pseuds/corneliastreet
Summary: “Why are you here?”“To find you. Is there anything else?”
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Reader
Kudos: 67





	how to lose

**Author's Note:**

> this is set around the end of season 1, kind of like the calm before the storm. Enjoy!

“Can I have your meat?” asked the redhead sitting across you. You’d noticed for a while now how she’s been staring aggressively at your plate. Sasha pouted pleadingly as your eyes met. 

“Are you still hungry after all that?” you asked, pretty sure she convinced a few people to volunteer their food for her stomach already.

She mulled over it for a few seconds before nodding grimly. “Positive.”

Ah, well. Some things in life are inevitable. “Go have it.”

“Thank you! I will remember this for the rest of my life.” She swiped your plate along over to her side with an almost inhumane speed.

Next to her Connie sighed, long suffering. “Sasha, you said not to take anyone else’s if I give you mine.” he protested, “And I did.”

“Well,” Sasha replied in between bites, “I can’t help my stomach.”

Seated on your left, Reiner watched the exchange in silence. You were a little taken aback when he slid some of his precious bread to your side. 

“Reiner. It’s yours.” you tried to nudge it back to him. “I’m not hungry anymore.” At any rate, getting his share seemed wrong, you know how big his appetite is. Even though he tried not to show it.

Unfortunately, your efforts were valiantly stopped. “No. You need to eat this” he demanded. One look at him conveyed just how he was not going to budge. 

“Fine.” you caved, not in the mood to argue and munching halfheartedly on his offering. Reiner on the other hand seemed to be pleased at how well behaved you are today and smiled, patting your head all the while. 

“Can somebody please stop the lovebirds from flirting in front of my food.”

From the sound of his voice alone, you can already feel the beginning of a headache. “Shut it, Jean.” 

Jean smirked, succeeding in his positively awful teasing. That is, until Reiner chucked a potato into his mouth and he started choking. “Agh-” He spitted the thing out as he glowered at the now laughing Reiner. “You barbarian.” Now he looked pissed off, and a pissed off Jean is not a good Jean to be around. He stood in a challenging stance, his glare not leaving Reiner.

You need to get Reiner the hell out of here or another fight is going to break out. As you were about to pull on Reiner’s arm, a voice piped out. 

“Hey guys, don’t go wasting food like that.” Sasha looked misty eyed as she looked up from the now non edible potato laid on the ground.

Without warning, Sasha knocked Jean over his head with her bare fist. Jean whimpered in pain from his place on the floor. 

“I could’ve eaten that.” She whined.

A moment of silence ensued, before the entire table broke out in a laugh.

\---

Jean’s little jab stayed with you even after you left the dining hall. 

People around you seemed to assume there was something going on between you and Reiner. Something more. When all he is, well, he’s a good friend, for one. That kicked your ass on the daily, courtesy of him offering to train your physical build. And you can admit that maybe he doted on you, just a little. Isn’t that normal? Yes. It is, surely. Normal friend in the middle of war things.

The only abnormal one here is the pretty little candle you hold for this so-called friend of yours.

You shook your head, trying to get your mind out of the gutter as you walked across, and then past the training field, into the nearby forest. Not deep enough to get lost of course, Reiner would scold you for that. He’d expressed his distaste for your little getaway hobby, but sometimes the barrack is too loud. Sometimes you just wanted to be alone with your thoughts. Whether it be a good thing or not.

Ymir waved as you passed by her and Historia, sitting under a shade of a tree, Historia noticed you and waved too. “Be careful!” she shouted. 

For what? You wondered. But Historia had always been a little bit mysterious and puzzling so you just gave her a thumbs up and went on your way.

You plopped yourself on the ground as soon as you reached your usual place. It’s behind a little bit of a hill so there’s privacy, making you claim this as your favorite spot. You threw your hand over your face, shielding the sun. The wind blew gently from somewhere east, and you settled into a peaceful state. It’s warm, serene, and maybe you can pretend that the big day isn’t tomorrow. That you all didn’t have to risk your lives tomorrow.

There’s a sound of grass crushed under heavy shoes, as you almost drifted to an early nap. There’s only one other person that shares the same spot. Armin sometimes comes by and accompanied you in your silence, or both of you would take turns sharing a story that you remembered reading during childhood. 

“Ar-” you halted your speech when you noticed it wasn’t the slim blonde that had come to find you today. Your gaze lands on Reiner, looking out of place. You immediately thought of the worst, that he’d come here bearing some bad news, or maybe there’d been a surprise enemy attack, but he sat down next to you. Even though his eyes were looking at something far away, he didn’t seem to be in any hurry, and you let yourself relax.

“Why are you here?” 

“To find you. Is there anything else?”

You tried to think of an answer to that, and came up short. 

You peered an eye open to watch him, still not moving from your laid down position, too comfortable to move. His white uniform, and the plain military issued trousers. The way he always undo the button in his wrist cuff, no matter how many times you buttoned them up. The way his shirt was never exactly clean, and how when you grieved to him about it he’d always respond with pressing close to you in an attempt to irritate you, while all it did is make your heart race. 

After a fistful of silence, he started again, “You’ve been distant, lately.”

You nodded at his statement. You were scared, of course, who wouldn’t be. Most of it was the fear of losing him and without meaning to, you’d started to put distance between the two of you. As if that could fix anything.

But, it’s not just you. He started talking less, and looked like he always wanted to say something he desperately wished to convey, only to stop at the last second. There’s a rueful quality to his smiles too. And sometimes he wanted to be alone, and you understood it, but you never understood why. 

Your reply came a bit stilted, almost angry. “I could say the same thing about you.”

At that, he took a deep inhale, you watched his chest rise and fall, he said “I guess you’re not wrong.” for the first time since he arrived, he turned and looked at you. “Not that it worked for long, because you started avoiding me too. I mean, look at me, here I am. I looked for you everywhere. Instead of avoiding.” he explained, as if it were a given that he’d break first.

“Here you are, indeed.”

“Don’t start being cheeky now.”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did I just say?” he groaned.

“Thanks for the bread, earlier.” you started, completely changing the topic. Then realized it sounded like you were a starving child in danger of malnutrition were it not for his heroic help, so you scrambled for an explanation, “I-I mean, the gesture was nice. I wasn’t famished or anything.”

“You gotta eat more, y’know.” he answered, and you winced, hearing the tone of his voice. It sounded a lot like he’s gonna give a lecture now. And true enough, “I don’t care if you’re not in the right mood to eat, you just have to. It’s important. You need to be prepared for tomorrow, if you want to survive. And I really want you to survive.”

You jumped from where you’d previously laid and matched your gaze with his. “And I want you to survive!”

He seemed taken aback. 

You continued. “You- you talk as if you’re not going to come back after tomorrow. It terrifies me, you know that?”

After Annie, everything changed. You’d known her, trained with, fought her during hand to hand combat, ate together, even shared the same room. She’d been elusive, you thought it was just her personality, before the truth was revealed. Female titan, Annie. Idly, you wondered if she had anything to do with Reiner’s behavior lately. 

A tense gaze down between the two of you, then he lowered his head, and chuckled lowly. You were near enough to almost feel its rumble. As if something was funny. “You really-” 

When he straightened back up, something was different about his eyes. Still, your glare persisted. His eyes darkened, something like an alarm started to ring inside your head. Before you know it, he closed the space between you.

His lips crushed yours as his arms reached around you and pulled you closer to him. A moment passed where you just stayed still, unmoving, shocked. In an instant, he pulled away, as if he’d hurt you. Reiner immediately sputtered an apology, which you cut off as you took his face in your hands and kissed him back. The entire time, his hands stayed hugging your torso. Not once straying from there. Reiner held you as if he were afraid you were gonna break.

You stayed that way for a while, your lips brushing each other, then pulling away to press your foreheads together. Your heart felt ready to burst. With what, you’re not exactly sure. You opened your eyes, only to see that he already had his own shut, as if it hurt. Should it be like that? Is kissing the person you like supposed to look.. painful?

“Hey,” you pulled away first, and warmth suffused your entire body as you watched him chase after you. “Don’t leave me?”

“Why?” he asked back. Still closing his eyes.

“‘Why?’ That’s not a normal response.” you shoot back. “You're supposed to say yes, or no.”

He turned away at that. “Nothing good will come out of this.”

“I don’t care about that.” Something inside you twisted. Liar.

“I do!” he half shouted it, you winced, and he softened his voice, “You matter to me. More than you know. It’s just not possible. I can’t promise you something like that.”

“Then, don’t. I never asked for your promise. Just know that I’m here for you. Just like how you were there for me. Whatever it is that’s burdening you. Let me carry them too.”

In response, he nested his head on the crook of your neck. And you were just there, holding him. He was quiet, but your shoulder got wet from his tears, making your arms tighten around him. You hope whatever it is he had to carry won’t feel so heavy anymore. He’ll tell you one these days. You’re sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> In which author took one glance at post timeskip reiner and got her brain fried.
> 
> Whew. That was all over the place. Please save me from this Reiner Hell. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading:D


End file.
